waruguru wa kiai

Dear Mwonjoria

You have claimed to love me for long
are ripe bananas not eaten?
are boiled potatoes not mukimo?
have I told you that I will die if you slip a ring on my finger?
have I not carried your weight enough for you to know that I can carry your children?
have I refused to change my last name to Mwonjoria?
have I refused to farm sweet potatoes in your father’s farm?
have I ever coughed when I hear the word ‘Mrs’

I have had enough
with your once in six months visit
pelted with lies and sweet turned sour nothings.

I have had it
with your antics of packing me at Sabina Joy
whenever I come to visit you In Nairobi
creeping back at a night for a brief thigh inspection
that always leaves with me with a cracked back.

with your excuses, that you cannot walk with me to Uhuru Park
for I might be arrested for reckless endangerment
at the sway of my Mukimo stuffed buttocks
that is not news, have you not heard
Nyeri County Assembly sat and marked my behind
as a protected Natural Resource,
tell them to arrest me!

Am done
with your ‘Romantic escapades’ always dictated by your protruding member
last year you wrote me, requesting that I arrive behind the Mukuweini CDF Tank
without underwear
I received your present yesterday, a tiny bra, a string and a red weave wrapped in a box marked- meet me at the coffee factory tomorrow,
Mark my words Mwonjoria I am not coming!

Am done
sitting on rusty benches at To-go-is-to-see bar and rest
battling heaps of ugali and salt
have my ‘hindquarters’ been banned from resting of soft seats found
at Villa Rossa Kempinski? No!
Listen, not onother word from your mouth
I will only look your way if your appear with an official receipt from Villa Rossa
clenched on your teeth tomorrow
failure to which you will know why goats droppings are not peas!



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  1. juliah wanjiku

    such a great piece done by a truly african lady…..very hilarious, has Mwonjoria appeared with the Villa Rosa receipt? ?

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